i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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