Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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