New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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