You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
