My room smells like vodka and shame
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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