Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
