bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
