we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
