I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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