Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
well you can't waste a boner
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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