just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
