6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
