I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
