Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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