just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
