She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
