i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
