I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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