i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
