The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
