Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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