im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
