she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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