I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
