please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
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