Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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