We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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