i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
