Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
