I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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