No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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