he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
