The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
