your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
