I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
