Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Found your dick twin last night
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
is that a dick in a sweater?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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