I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just gift wrapped bread.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
