Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
