so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
