his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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