I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
