Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize