I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'd cum for enchiladas.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
