I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
