Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
