hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
