The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
