I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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