Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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