im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
