were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
