i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
